Thursday, December 14, 2006
Close your eyes and let go
As I continue on with my spiritual journey...I truly believe now that :" The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps"- Prov 16:9 (NASB)...Often we think of doing something but we're unsure of the future ahead, our minds filled with uncertainties. We want to do it but questions like, "How do I start?" and "Will I succeed?" plague us. Just like what they always say 'the mind/heart is willing but the body is weak'...something like that.
For a long time now, I've been wanting to push myself a step further away from my comfort zone...try to be participate in a church activity or group ...or attend bible studies, etc..basta do something like that... hehe. I know envy is not good but really I envy those people whose love for God shines through their faces...those people whose prayers could really bring joy to God, (galing nilang magpray, nkakabless)...those people who, despite of their busy schedules find the time and energy to do something for His glory...and invest in something far more lasting and important than things here on earth. I envy their passion for Christ.Unlike me who cannot even find the right bible chapter without looking at the table of contents. (nakakahiya).
Then last week when I was about to go back home, I chanced upon Pastor Gil Molina and chatted with him throughout our jeepney ride. He talked about KKB (Kristiyanong Kabataan Para sa Bayan) and our former KKB Taytay chair Kuya Ace who is now heading the KKB-MAN (i'm not sure about the spelling hehe. don't even ask me what it means) in Manila who seldom attends in our place nowadays. Well, let's just say he told me a lot of wonderful things and how God's power is working through people in different classes of society specifically the young professionals. I got encouraged and he mentioned that there are services in Manila near the apartment where I live."Ping!"(light bulb) Now, the desire to 'do something for God' is taking shape...hmm...looks like something to start on. 'I could attend services in Manila', I told myself. Pastor Gil promised me he'll ask Kuya Ace to text me about the KKB in Manila. But then here's one complication: Kuya Ace no longer attends our services back home. In short, it's pretty much as blurry as my myopic eyes that I'll be able to get the information I'll need. 'Hay...so much for my start', I thought.
I almost forgot about it when our church anniversary came last Sunday and guess who's there? Yup, the KKB guy I was talking about...Kuya Ace. We got into a small chat and I asked about the services in Manila which he confirmed. (Yes! the Lord is truly working...) He asked for my number and when I was about to ask his, guess what? I left my phone at home. I just gave him mine and told him to text me about the address and details, praying he won't forget to text me.('coz if he doesn't, I'll be facing dead end again)
Well, thank God he didn't and he gave me the address and details. It's midweek services on Wednesdays, 7pm and Sunday service 10am at Joridilla Bldg , Gastambide St. Tuesday night came and I looked at my Quiz-free Thursday schedule...'Wow', I said to myself, 'hindi na kita mahihindian Lord. This is it!'.
My heart and mind was set on going...but the last minute my friend Aileen cancelled! And so on that wednesday (last night), I was like a lonely pirate...all alone facing the unknown dangerous unchartered sea. Although the name Gastambide was familiar, I didn't have an idea where the hell that place was and how can I get there. All I knew was that it's somewhere near UE. So trying to look like I know where I'm going, I bravely set out and rode a jeep to Morayta. In my mind I was praying "Lord, kayo na bahala sa akin". I got into a trike and confidently told the driver, "Joridilla bldg, Gastambide" , but deep inside praying and hoping that he knows it 'coz I really DIDN'T KNOW.
We were finally cruising through Gastambide... I was thinking all the time that the driver knows that building and I was just waiting for him to stop. But I guess the driver was also thinking of the same thing...that I know where I'm going. I think we were getting near the end of the street and 'Surprise!' He also doesn't know the place. (Uh-oh). We stopped when he asked me "Miss, san po ba kayo?!". "Ha? hindi po ba nyo alam yun?!", I replied. I was about to panic when I looked up on the side of the driver and saw where we stopped...and miraculously ( I don't believe it was just coincidence), there...written on the wall, "Joridilla bldg". Praise God!
"He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways." -Psalm 91:11--> grabe totoo 'to! I got there safe and even early. ( I alotted time allowance in case I get lost). It's like He has an invisible rope, gentle tugging my boat towards my treasure
Now, I truly believe that when you set your heart into something, just hold on to his promises, pray and get out of your comfort zone! Face your fears and go ahead...entrust yourself in His care. Right now, I still don't know how I could be of use for Him, but things DOESN'T ALWAYS NEED TO BE PLANNED.
We cannot calculate every step in detail...and just like our case discussions in medicine, we cannot always tabulate in perfect order the treatment plan, risks, advantages, disadvantages, complications, of everything we want to do with our lives. And up to this moment I still pray for guidance and direction. Sometimes, we just have to close our eyes and let go...
On that evening, a complete stranger went in there and was embraced with a lot of warmth by young people filled with passion for God. (grrr, made me again think why didn't I do this when I was younger with a lot more time in my hands?).And I went out of that place a stranger no more, with new friends in faith at hand, and a joyful heart, looking forward for things God has in store for me...what a blessed night!
Labels: The Journey of Faith
sarah =) â¥
2:16 PM
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